From the monthly archives: August 2009
The Huntress: Me
The Hunted: Some dude named Miguel who lied about his height
My match profile launched August 13, 2009—30 days after breakup, 28 days after moving out, 5 out days after moving into studio apartment. It was created in a fervent attempt to “move on!” “get out there!” “have fun!” and all those other things people suggested I start doing. My brother-in-law connected his laptop to his giant flat screen TV, and he, my friend Amber and I created my dating avatar: my cyber self-portrait. We put pictures up of Wholesome Me roasting marshmellows, Sassy Me hailing a cab in gold high heels, and Quirky Me kissing a lobster. We drank Wisconsin beer called “Simpler Times” and debated my profile quote. Amber wanted “I won’t make you breakfast.” My brother-in-law wanted “Balls.” I won: “If anyone asks, we met while hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro.”
We set the bait, high-fived, and waited…
The past two weeks I’ve been circling in the jeep, scoping the landscape… observing. I’ve received winks, I’ve sent winks, I’ve collected emails. I received an especially lovely note from a man who only wanted to know about my feet, and specifically the kinds of high heels I wear…
Finally, after a couple weeks of emails (he was in Argentina) Miguel and I agreed to meet. He’s smart. He’s got a job. He’s my age. And he’s Latin. Why not?
As it turns out, Miguel is off-the-charts smart. From what I can tell he’s pretty much the Little Man Tate of Argentina. He has his PhD in mathematics, post doc from an Ivy League University, and now is a professor at one of the best schools in Chicago when he’s not traveling the world teaching mini-courses and holding conferences on mathematical theories….
When it was my turn to talk I explained that I too am working on a ground-breaking theory. I am fighting a sinus infection and slowly losing ground. (As I write this I am hopped up on cocktail of Nyquil, Sudafed, Extra Strength Tylenol and cough syrup.) Last night, despite my better judgment, I went out with Amber. I explained to Miguel the Theory of Vitamin V (vodka). See, last night I decided I would only drink cocktails that were good for me. So I drank 6 Absolut Citrons with extra vitamin C (lemon garnish).
Miguel informed me that one is to drink lots of water at the onset of a sinus infection. I replied, “Oh, for sure. I made sure the bartender added ice.”
What do crickets sound like in Spanish?
I started to get bored. Which made me sad. Which made me miss B. But the thing is, B never took me out—not ONCE in the 5 months we lived together did we go on a proper date. And this made me smile.
On with the hunt.
