Dear Doh,
I’ve been seeing a cute boy recently who I’m pretty into. So in true girly fashion I went to Facebook to look up his profile, but not to add him as a friend. I wanted to stalk him first. So I find his page and it’s not entirely public but some of his personal information is visible. Well, to my dismay his marital status was “in a relationship” but not just that, there was actually a specific person’s name following and needless to say, it wasn’t me! So you can imagine my shock and then disappointment at discovering this gem drop of knowledge. (Side note: it’s clear that he just hasn’t gotten around to changing it yet because there’s been activity on his wall within the last few days AND the “girlfriend” had commented on one of his posts!)
(Sigh) I decided that I would give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him about it the next time I saw him.
So jump to date #4(!) I confess my snooping around on his FB page and bring up his status. He tells me that yes, he was in a relationship as of recent. They broke up a couple weeks ago (before he met me) and that they were together for a year. He said he didn’t love her and didn’t want to continue the relationship any further if he wasn’t in love. Ok. Fine. I can deal with that. However, it’s been about a week since that conversation and I went to check back on his FB page and his status still claims that he’s in a relationship. This bothers me and makes me feel weird. I want him to change it. Perhaps he doesn’t want to be a dick and change it so soon after breaking up? I want to get to the bottom of this without coming across as crazy but not sure what approach to take now.
Any thoughts?
Best,
Dismayed & Disappointed
Dear Duped,
I’ve met guys like this before. This is the same guy who says he’s 5’10 online, when he’s really 5’6. These are the rounder-uppers. In this case, he’s “rounding up” in regards to his fidelity. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe technically they are broken up, or taking time apart. But even if that’s the best case scenario, if he still feels obligated enough to leave her on his relationship status, then there is more to this picture.
United, can we check these? This guy’s got baggage.
Do you really want to stick around while this gets this cleared up? Four dates is a lot — if the “ex” is still commenting on his posts it makes me think she’d be shocked to know this, too. And that’s just drama you don’t need.
As for his claim, “I just decided I wasn’t in love,” my guess is he’s just feeding you douchebag candy. I’ve heard that one before. Somehow it sounds genuine, honest, and emotionally in-touch, and since we want to hear it, we fall for it every time. But it’s probably a partial truth.
My advice is trust your gut. It doesn’t feel right because it’s probably not.
Done with douchebagsly yours,
Disaster
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