My Brooklyn Suitor

Some of you may recall the Cinco de Mayo Initiative, my response to a question submitted through the blog by Roses and Thorns.

Yesterday I received a second message from R&T, which went like this:

Dearest Ms. DoH,

Thank you for prompt and acerbic response.

Rhetorically, you inquired whether we had ever had the pleasure of intersecting. I have no rejoinder save for: do you despise rhetorical questions as much as i do?

I’d wager no.

For the fact remains, had we had the pleasure of spending an evening together you certainly would have linked to my wiki “how to” page by now:

http://www.wikihow.com/French-Kiss

But that’s nothing more than the menu before the meal, which probably doesn’t surprise you given my pre-meal tactics that you so roundly dismissed. I actually encourage people in general to make out more. Imagine if making out replaced the greeting of the handshake or if first dates started with a kiss? Organizations like feedthedate.org and the snack fund initiative would cease to exist and I bet you tequila and Corona sales would go down as people become more confident and satisfied in their intimate relationships.

My results oriented approach seems to have touched a nerve, and not in the way I generally like to touch. You got me thinking about my carbon footprint. I know I can’t change the past but I am environmentally conscious and I want to have a positive impact on the future.

Which is why I wanted to ask you to dinner. I happen to know of a culinarily exquisite establishment not far from my home in Brooklyn that I’m certain would FEMA your heels issues (yes I just used FEMA as a verb) as well as highlight a much longed for trip to the east coast.

I’ve penciled you in for May 28th.

Looking forward to meeting you
Roses and Thorns

To which I reply:

Dear Roses and Thorns,

You had me at “dinner.” May 28th it is. I shall meet you at the aforementioned exquisite establishment.  I’ll be the hot one with the rape whistle.

I look forward to making out with you.

Yours,

Disaster

PS I don’t have an email for you, as your submission is anonymous through Tumblr. You can email me at disasteronheels@gmail.com to get this convo going…

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