I hope you’re enjoying the read, but I already know how this story ends. I know this because yesterday, in Reverend Zombie’s House of Voodoo deep in the French Quarter, Miss Irene told me.
Miss Irene can be found in the back of the shop, behind a doorway strung with wooden beads. She has white hair and does not look anything like a prophet. First of all, as a psychic I figured she would have intuited earlier that morning that had red lipstick smeared across her front teeth and done something about it. Maybe she did have this vision, and just didn’t care.
She took my right palm and informed me that I’m going to live a very long time (which I thought was nice of her), but the good stuff didn’t come in until she read my poker cards. I was not aware that you could read fortunes in a deck of cards, but you can and it’s very effective.
At the risk of bragging you should know that I am going to be immensely successful. It will either be at my current job, or in my own business, or maybe at a new job. I will also marry someone with dark hair and light eyes, or maybe I will be introduced to him by someone with dark hair and light eyes. But I haven’t met him yet. Or maybe I have. Either way, I’m going to fall deeply in love.
Then she told me to ask the cards a question, which I did with great concentration.
“Will I have 2.5 children?”
She paused, looked at the Queen of Hearts and the Jack of Spades, stared at me intensely and said, “Yes. It looks that way dear.”
Euphoric about the state of my ovaries, I gave Miss Irene a five dollar tip. Then she told me she liked my ring. I told her she couldn’t have it.
On my way out of the shop I decided I better give fate a little gentle shove in the right direction. So I picked up this:
I brought it up to the register to the clerk with cleft lip, piercing blue eyes, and the words “G-O-O-D” and “H-U-R-T” tattooed across his fists. I asked him if he thought this Mangrabber would work. He said, “Darlin’, it already is,” and winked at me.
I knew then that Miss Irene was the real deal. I’m thinking an August wedding.
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http://disasteronheels.com/2010/07/mirror-mirror-off-the-wall/ Mirror Mirror Off the Wall… | Disaster On Heels
