As you know I recently hosted Disasters in New York and San Francisco. They were so much fun, and I’m pleased to announce: disastrous. Thank you to everyone who attended, and congratulations to our two shake weight winners. I hope one of your biceps is disproportionately large.
At each Disaster people got to fill in a mad-lib of their worst date. As promised, here are the best-of responses:
New York
* Does Montclair, New Jersey qualify as a New York date if I took a bus from Port Authority to get there? ( Why yes, yes it does.)
He showed up wearing jeans and a sweater. We went to a sushi restaurant next to the bus stop. We talked about nothing of interest. I knew it was battleship down when he took me back to the bus stop at 11pm to go back to Brooklyn and told me he does not like to kiss with tongue.
He showed up wearing a fitted thermal. We went to a West Village pub. We talked about his dance career. I knew it was battle ship down when he said “ever since 9/11 I started getting more serious about dating.” … This was in 2010.
She showed up wearing the stench of the guy she had been with the night before. We went to volunteer at the Ronald McDonald House. We talked about: we didn’t talk about anything. She prattled on about her asinine public relationship internship. I knew it was battleship down when she told an overweight childthe best way to lose weight was to skip breakfast every day and lunch every third day.
San Francisco
He showed up wearing a peacock. We went to burning man. We talked about animal sex. I knew it was battleship down when he showed me photos… with the peacock.
She showed up wearing a full leg cast. We went for her to drop off drugs to two people. We talked about how much she partied. I knew it was battleship down when I became the getaway driver.
She showed up wearing a low cut top and hot skirt. We went to Perry’s on Union. We talked about I don’t remember. I knew it was battleship down when I couldn’t stop checking my fantasy football score board on my phone.*
*I’m the asshole.
Got a disaster you’d like to add? Leave it as a comment below, or email me: disasteronheels@gmail.com
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