Last night I got sucked into the crazy vortex that is online dating. I got blown up by a Romeo on OKCupid and decided to check out the message. It went like this:
Well aren’t you adorable for being 31 and so thin. It’s not often I can say that about such a fragile and innocent girl being very attractive. You probably can’t keep up with a kinky stud unfortunately, can you?
…we’d definitely make good looking kids though.
No joke. Or maybe it was? It was so bad I had to figure out. So I checked out his profile. He’s been on OKCupid since 2007 and only has one photo, so I was immediately suspicious. More on our Romeo:
due to popular demand…here is a little bit of information about me. I have a great relationship with my mom….i have nice teeth and nice shoes but no, i wont go shoe shopping with you!
What I’m doing with my life:
taming lions during the day and performing super hero services at night
Things people first notice about me: dark, deep eyes and a devious smirk along with a smoking hot bod!
The 6 things I could never do without:
competition and gaining knowledge…i thrive on both
I spend a lot of time thinking about : maybe you….but probably not
On a typical Friday night I am: probably standing you up on our date!
You should message me if:
you’re not boring and have DEVELOPED a fun witty personality.
if you label yourself as a dem or repub, i think you’re a fool for playing into their game…probably won’t be a good idea to message me unless you are looking to expand your horizons
if you cried when Go-bama was elected and screamed out loud how its the greatest day of your life….put me on block.
if im on here, im probably playing poker so give me some time to respond
I figured this must be a joke, so I emailed back:
Me: Do I know you?
Him: you’re a genius huh?
Me: Your message was so awful, I thought I must know you. But if I do know you, it is hilarious. Thus the confusion. And yes, in many circles I am considered a genius.
Him: so you work at a mental hospital? noted. can’t stand having to constantly dumb things down for people….have to filter out those people so goodbye
And just like that, another Romeo slipped away.
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