Happy Feet

Here’s what happens when people stop wearing socks, and start getting real. This is another gem I received on Match.com.  It was so romantic, I had to respond.

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Hello….

I read and love your profile. I just got on Match again and don’t even have a picture yet.

I’m hoping you’re open minded. If this message offends you, I apologize but I figured I’d give it a shot. I am not trying to be disrespectful at all.

Anyway, here goes. If you knew a guy who was a nice, safe, legit, no head games, no BS…..and he would pay you to stick your barefeet in his face, he does absolutely nothing to them, would you do it? Weird question, I know.  But this can actually happen.  It’s not a game, I don’t have time for that.

Let’s say it was a friend of yours and you knew you could make easy money doing that whenever you felt like it, are you open minded enough to take advantage of it?

I have no problem getting a pic to you to show that I’m serious.

I hope to hear back from you. Again, if you take this the wrong way and are offended, I really am sorry. I wish you luck in finding what you’re looking for.

Gabe

BTW, I’m a single white male, 35. No kids, never been married.

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Dear Gabe,

No worries at all, I totally don’t take this the wrong way.  I’m not offended. I mean, I’ll admit I’ve never stuck my foot in someone’s face before for sexual pleasure, but I do give myself the chills sometimes when I clean my ears with a Q-tip, so who am I to judge?!

And I too have a recurring foot fantasy. Only mine involves a glass slipper and a bunch of footmen that turn into mice.

I love mice. I love all animals, actually.  How do you feel about animals, Gabe?  Have you ever dressed up in a giant mouse costume and made passionate animal love? It’s so primal but so innocent.  Do you think you may be down?

My uncle runs a costume shop, so if you’re not into mice, that’s cool.  I’m also into mermaids, lions, dalmatians and clown fish.

Hope to hear from you!

BTW I’m also single with no kids.  But I do have a ferret, an iguana and several hamsters. All of them (with the exception of the ferret) have feet.

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Have you received a Disaster email from an online dating site? Send it to me at disasteronheels[at]gmail.com, or through the Facebook page.  I’ll write your reply and post it to the blog.

Related Disasters:

• Guess Who’s Not Coming to Dinner?
• Scent of A Woman
• Apples to Apples
• Cap’n Orgy
• I’m kind of a big deal in Liberia.