T.G.I.F.
Thank Gays I’m Fed.
Today I would just like to outwardly acknowledge that if it weren’t for my fabulous friends I would probably be one high-heeled step away from scurvy.
I’d say I eat dinner about three times a week. Once a week I date-dine, and twice a week I volunteer my services as a local Disaster Relief Project so that gay men in the city of Chicago can adopt me for an evening and give me pointers on how to catch a straight man. I’m ok with this because typically it involves a very delicious meal.
This week I called my good friend Honu on my way home from the airport:
“Have you eaten?” he asked.
“Yes, I had two bags of pretzels and a TCBY.”
“Jesus. Do you know how many empty calories are in that?!”
“Um, sorry–didn’t realize your a calorologist–but they are most definitely not empty. I’m sooo full. I got the large waffle cone with extra Butterfinger toppings.”
“You’re going to die fat and alone,” he said, and hung up on me.
I took that as a dinner invite, which I graciously accepted by showing up, bringing nothing and expecting a three course meal. (I blame my laziness on his ruthless generosity.)
He and his boyfriend sat me down and fed me a salmon dish with some side that I can only assume was incredibly “heart-healthy” and full of vitamins, antioxidants and fiber. (He’s always talking about those things, but he promised me they’re good for my skin, so I’m down.)
I do suspect though that my meal tickets are secretly conspiring; they are trying to get me to lose a cool ten so that I’ll be in my prime bikini shape this beach season. And I’m almost positive there’s a Super Fruit Bowl going on right now, where my adoptive gays are betting on the over/under that their efforts are going to get me under/covers.
But frankly, I don’t care. In the meantime, I’ll just help myself to more of this delicious dessert. Does anyone know if this chocolate torte is rich in Omega 3? I’m concerned about wrinkles.
Related Disasters:
- No Related Disasters...yet
-
http://disasteronheels.com/2010/08/whats-wrong-with-this-picture/ What’s wrong with this picture? | Disaster On Heels
Subscribe Via Email
Become A Fan
Categories
Recent Posts
- One Glove, One Heart
- I’m a Fraunt!
- Sugar Coated
- How to Shake a Stage Five Drunk
- A Disaster’s Guide to Fixin’ Shit
- Sea Biscuits
- Guess Who’s Not Coming to Dinner?
- Finally, A Fairytale I can Believe In
- High San Francisco!
- Scent of A Woman
- Oh My God Do I Try.
- My Latest Suitor
- Dear Irene
- A Disaster’s Guide to Acting Fancy
- Postcards From The Whitest Town in America
My Twit Feed
- May your night (and year) be more successful. Happy new year! http://t.co/ExDTOoBm #, 2012/01/01
- Love this. http://t.co/kbyaoCf4 #, 2011/12/14
- A step-by-step to winterizing your game. http://t.co/4SUmUdGB #, 2011/10/21
- Birth control pills: the poor woman's boob job. #, 2011/10/20
- This one goes out to all my ladies in the Nation. #happyhumpday http://t.co/qw3MvhQ1 #, 2011/10/19


