Yesterday the best thing happened. My Mac broke, which meant I had a legitimate excuse to go trolling for Geniuses. I put on my favorite red lipstick, packed my nerd-bait, and sauntered into the Apple store.
Me: Hello. I’m here to speak with a Genius.
Genius: Sure. I can help.
Me: Yes, but are you a Genius?
Genius: Yep. Why else would I have this walkie-talkie in my belt holster?
Me: Excellent point. Ok, great: I’ll have a dirty martini, extra olives.
Genius: Um, we don’t serve alcohol here.
Me: You mean this is a dry Genius Bar?
Genius: Yep, repairs only.
Me: Well I’m an Average Intellect but I’ve never known anything a little alcohol couldn’t fix…if you know what I mean.
Genius: What’s wrong with your eye?
Me: Nothing. Never mind.
Genius: Well, what seems to be the problem with your laptop today?
Me: I was told by a Genius this morning that I needed to come back for a new fan and have it installed.
Genius: A fan?
Me: Yes, I know. It makes like, NO sense. How the hell would you fit a fan in a MacBook Air? Duh.
Genius: Let me just go take a look and I’ll be right back.
Me: Sure. No problem. I’ll just read my book: The Dungeon Master’s Guide. By the way, you probably hear this all the time, but you look really good in blue.
**Twenty five minutes later.**
Genius: So good news and bad news.
Me: They are making another Star Wars.
Genius: What? No. We fixed your computer.
Me: Excellent! So what’s the bad news?
Genius: Well it’s not so bad, really. It’s just that it was never really broken.
Me: What do you mean?
Genius: Well, apparently you had it repaired here a couple of months ago, and when we did that repair, we just actually… well, we never plugged the fan back in.
Me: What? I’ve made two trips to the Apple Store today because you forgot to plug the fan back in? You know what I think? I think a real Genius never would have let that happen. Somewhere in the middle of playing Settlers of Catan, he would have put down his Mountain Dew and thought, “You know what? I’M GLAD I PLUGGED IN THAT FAN.”
Did you even go to math camp? I’m sorry. I don’t think this is going to work between us.
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