Dear Disaster,

I just came across my ex boyfriend on Match and see that he’s using pictures of us on his profile, but he edited me out of every one of them with a big black bar over my face. This only makes me hate him more. Can I sue him?

Thanks,
A

 

Dear Photochopped,

Sorry this happened to you. Sadly this phenomenon is all too familiar. I didn’t go to law school, but I did watch four full seasons of Ally McBeal, which is almost the same thing. The show taught me all the important fundamentals. Namely:

1)   You can spend your days suing a man’s pants off,  only to spend your nights desperately trying to get in them. Life is so complex.

2)   Even if your HR department encourages co-ed bathroom stalls, avoid at all costs. Nobody needs that.

Given my expertise, I’m happy to provide you sound legal counsel that will hold up in any court.*

First, is it fair to assume that your face was made up in these photos? Your face is a canvas, which when painted, is art. And as we all know, your art is your intellectual property (as is your recipe for string cheese nachos, and your interpretive dance of the Black Swan).

By reproducing and altering your image, your ex is infringing upon your copyright, which is illegal. So yes! We can sue him and can send him away to a place where he too will have to get comfortable with a view behind bars.  And also trans fats.  

That said, if you forgot to trademark your face, we may have a problem here. Did you? Because if you forgot to trademark your face, than I’m afraid we have only one alternative: Block his profile, take a whole bunch of selfies, and move on.

Legally yours,

Disaster

* Counsel will hold up in all courts with the exception of US Federal, State or District Courts. Or Tax Court. Or the Court of Appeals. Or the People’s Court. Or basically any court except a tennis court. My argument will definitely hold up in a tennis court.  Unless you’re playing against a judge.

 

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  • http://trininista.blogspot.com/ trininista

    best advice ever