Currently viewing the tag: "emails"

Scent of A Woman

By On September 2, 2011 · 3 Comments

 

It begins! This week I’ve received online dating emails from Disasters around the country, and it with great pleasure that I am able to respond. This OKC email was sent to me from a nice lady in Denver:

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Hi there–

I am a boy with a small b…I understand in part, at least, natural beauty. Few people notice, fewer still care about, the smell of warm earth underfoot or the scent of the whispering pines borne on the wind… I think my favorite punctuation has become the ellipsis…

I love music….there’s a Joy Division tribute on Youtube, set to a Radiohead song you should probably listen to if you are interested in how music affects me… Here’s it is:

 

Anyway, let me know if you’d like to chat sometime…I enjoy expressing affection and am very tactile, incredible enthusiasm for this so-called life, my point is…I think we could be a match, but one of the first things I have to find out is what you smell like.

Jon

 

Nice Lady in Denver, here is your response. He is clearly your future-fiance, so be sure to send immediately!

 

Dear Al Pacino,

At least you’re not a boy with a small “p”! Yes, I agree. You must know what your partner smells like.  Did you ever have a sticker book? I had one with more than 200 scratch n’ sniff stickers.  Anyway, I’d say I smell like a cross between the pickle one and the pizza one. Does that help?

I’m glad you emailed because it’s clear we have so much in common. I also appreciate the ellipses–grammar’s very own bachelor! Why commit to the end of the sentence when you can just fade out right into the next one?  Just make it clear you’re bored, distracted, or can’t find the time to see this syntax through…  Sure, at first it’s tough, but do it enough and people will get the idea. Like I always say, ellipses are for men…periods are for women.

I’m definitely interested to know how music affects you, so thanks for sending me this song about suicide. If you’re anything like me, this music makes me want to dance dance dance!  It’s going straight to my workout playlist.

Looking forward to meeting you,

Denver

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Send me your disastrous dating emails. You can submit anonymously through the “ask me anything” tab–or send an email to disasteronheels[at]gmail[dot]com.

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Put on a Happy Face

By On August 25, 2010 · 2 Comments

Growing up, women are always told to “put on a happy face.” But if you ask me, when it comes to the workplace, it’s simply gone too far.  See my recent exchange below:

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Hey Inez,

I saw that you hadn’t booked meeting space for our 11am tomorrow. Can you go ahead and book that when you get a sec?

Thanks!

Amanda

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Hey Amanda,

Got your note. Sure, I can book the meeting room.  That should be the easy part, after I did the whole deck for our presentation :P

JK.  It was really easy to do once I got the data to upload. Attached is the 5th and final version.

Thanks!

Inez

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Thanks so much! I don’t think I saw that invite come through yet. Unless it came through and I didn’t see it? I don’t know sometimes my email is wonky. Anyway, just let me know if you need any help setting it up, Outlook can be kind of complicated. ;)

Rock on!

-A

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Amanda.  I haven’t had time to send the Outlook invite yet, because I’ve been busy replying to all your emails :)   I will send it as soon as you stop flooding my inbox :P   JK

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Inez, sometimes I can’t tell if you’re annoyed or just being your hilarious self! :) :) :) :) THANKS SO MUCH for booking the room.  And for leading the presentation.  I think it’s good that you’re presenting it because this way people won’t wonder if the only thing you do around here is  update Facebook and flirt with Tony.  :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

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lol :lol: lol :lol: lol :lol: LOL! Now YOU’RE the hilarious one. Tony from SHIPPING? No way! I  just had to send a FedEx today. Besides I would never move in on your type.  I saw the way you were all over him at the holiday party.  Remember when you said “Now there’s a First Class Package!” and asked him to do a body shot?  Amanda, you are so funny!   lol :lol: lol :lol: lol :lol:

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:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) Inez, that’s pretty typical. I think you are alluding to me being a slut and that’s just not appropriate for work. I am going to have to report this conversation to HR. It may wind up jeopardizing both our relationship and your job, but that’s probably not a problem for you since you seem to move on to new friends so quickly, and because you probably just want to work for Facebook anyway, since you spend all your time on it.  :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

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I agree. Being a slut IS inappropriate for work.  When you report me to HR, please also notify them that all the conference rooms are booked.

Thx!

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

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