As you know, I recently found an apartment for my friend, SFiasco, who is moving to Chicago from San Francisco. Last night she pinged me on G-chat:

SFiasco: Damn you for making me look at hot apartment guy’s Facebook profile today. Which one is he?

Me: The hot one! Second from the right.

SFiasco: STOP.

Me: I TOLD YOU

SFiasco: I just got pregnant looking at him.

Me: with twins.

SFiasco: Duh. That’s too much man for just one embryo. Ugh, why was I crazy on the phone with him? fml.

Me: How old is he?

SFiasco: Stalker survey says … Graduated in 2010, so 22 unless he “helped on the farm for a few years” or was held back because of a tractor-induced brain injury.

Me: hahahaha. confession: he may actually be the reason you’re living in your new apartment building … but he’s a VERY, VERY good reason.

SFiasco: figured

Me: Ok, so I have to write a post for tomorrow, but my draft is bordering on pathetic. I’m venting about spooning with a gassy rescue dog who grinds his teeth. I don’t know how much more of this readers can take.

SFiasco: That’s not bad. I woke up hugging my laptop last night. I almost ruined the screen with drool.

Me: oh god.

SFiasco: P.S. Did I tell you the best part of my call yesterday with corn-fed? I was trying to pick my unit over the phone and we kept debating the dumb $400 they’re making me pay in pro-rated rent for the week I’m not even there. He justified it by saying “but, think what you’re getting. we’ll be here for you to talk to all the time.” Given the number of times I’d called him this week, I thought he might be joking … do they have sarcasm in Iowa?

Me: Nope. Dude, you guys are so gonna bang!

SFiasco: Don’t dip your nub in the apartment ink.

Me: 1) What’s a nub? 2) That’s EXACTLY how a porn movie starts.

SFiasco: I’m not banging my 22-year-old building sales guy.

Me: Whatever, I dated the cafeteria guy in my old office. We met when he catered our holiday party. What can I say? I have a thing for uniforms.

SFiasco: #disaster. Dude, why don’t you just post our gchats on the blog?

Me: That’s the best thing you’ve ever said.

Related Disasters:

• Meet BamBam
• Not My Jam
• The Happy Humper
• One Glove, One Heart
• Sugar Coated